Travel & Other Tales

South Sudan is not a country that will have you drooling with excitement every time it’s mentioned as one of your next possible destinations. You will have read stories about all sorts of horrendous acts and gruesome murders and kidnaps and you will wish the “South” is removed so you can at least end up in Khartoum. Read More

Homonyms refer to sets of words having the same spelling but different meanings (and origins). In many an African language, there exist words that are either spelled or sound the same, but have different meanings. Read More

What would be your reaction if an acclaimed female artiste registered interest to remix a song you only released a couple of months back? Grant the request right away? Ask for payment of sorts? Snub the request? That is the kind of question only Patoranking can answer best. Read More

I usually try to refrain from jumping onto bandwagon celebrations. But for some reason, this fathers’ day appears to have gotten me thinking many things. There are things we often take for granted. The provisions. The guidance. Life's choices. And many others. Read More

2014 had me bear the ignominy of experiencing two winter seasons in the same calendar year. The first was a chilly 30+ days in the Southern African country of Malawi, starting from somewhere in the first week of June to a couple weeks into July. The second was during a short stint in Scandinavia, towards the turn of the year. Read More

I should have braced myself for a couple of more surprises from the time I was received by a mini-convoy of two cars – one of them being a police escort pickup – from the airport. Instead, Lagos continued to play hide and seek with my expectations. Read More

Last Sunday found me in Lekki, a tiny peninsula that harbors a collection of beaches and leisure centers in Southern Nigeria. I was checking out a church a friend of mine had recommended. The Present House or TPH as it is popularly called is a funky place of worship located a couple of kilometers from the affluent Victoria Island, in Lagos. Read More

She may not be your obvious household name in Ugandan music. But she has a couple of songs out –those I am aware of. Not many have even heard of her. A Google search returned an uncoordinated set of results. Random names from places as far-flung as India and Indonesia. It was at this point that I realized I was on a wild goose chase. Read More

He ambles to the doorway, before slowly pausing a little. He gazes at the car and waits for the door to open. He knows its Daddy’s car, but he is not sure if the person at the steering wheel is daddy. He suddenly switches into a faster walk - a mini sprint by his standards- to the car. He has recognized the face. Daddy is back. Read More

Koffi Olomide will be in town this month for a number of charity activities and a music concert. He will be the headlining artiste at a charity concert organized by Rotary Uganda. Here’s a few facts about the singer. Read More

Exactly 35 Years ago, Ugandan President Idi Amin Dada was overthrown by a combined force of Tanzania People's Defense Forces and Ugandan Exiles. It put an end to 8 Years of a turbulent reign in Uganda's Politics. It was not without its humorous moments and memorable quotes. Read More!

Bebe Cool recently brewed a social media storm when he called upon Ugandan music lovers to shun DJs who give preference to foreign music. Sucked into this debate were two prominent figures –James Onen aka Fatboy, a former radio PD and current morning show co-host at Sanyu Fm, and DJ Beekay, a former Sanyu FM employee, now plying his trade at the Vision group-owned X Fm. Read More

23 Jan 2014. Location: Limbe, A suburb of Blantyre City (Malawi). For close to 5 Months, I lived in this part of town that does not look remote at a glance, though it rather comes off as old-school in almost every aspect. Limbe literally shuts down by 6pm. There’s a few taxis still plying their trade, but they hardly stop by. It’s like a transit route to other destinations. Read More

I must admit I had no idea who she was until news of her making it to the finals went viral. I remember bumping into some random radio station in Malawi. This presenter was discussing the three finalists for Africa’s next top model, a competition organized by Nigerian Stella Oluchi, a former model herself. Read More

In December 2013, NTV celebrated 7 seven years since they announced their entry into the Ugandan television industry. It’s been 7 years of quality work. 7 years of a revolution that has seen an overall increase in dynamism and creativity in the industry Read More

They are commonly referred to as the big three; Bobi Wine, Bebe Cool and Jose Chameleone in no particular order. They represent a breed of musicians that have revolutionized the face of Ugandan music over the past 10-15 years. They revitalized the average Ugandan’s interest in local music. Read More

You could call me pessimistic.  Or backward. Or unappreciative. Or all the three. But finding an air conditioned bus on an African road was the last thing I ever imagined. It was one of those days when you get on a journey and all you wish for is to fall into some deep, long slumber, and only wake up to the sight of your destination’s signpost. Read More
He breathed his last on November 30, 2013. He was 73 or 76, depending on which source you read. Born Pascal-Emmanuel Sinamoyi Tabu, he would later go by Tabu Ley Rochereau, following then President Mobutu Sese Seko’s Authenticité reforms in the late 1960’s that were aimed at ridding the country of any lingering traces of colonialism and the continuing influence of Western culture. Read More
This Saturday, the 26th October 2013, marks exactly 7 months and 10 days since the two teams last had joint merry. We are talking Customer Service & IT, here. It was fun, then. We all got to enjoy ourselves. News filtering in suggests tomorrow will be a reloaded version of the same. Yours truly will not be able to make it. The account below is only a figment of my imagination, Read More

It still feels like yesterday. A morning of anticipation. A twilight of bliss. A thrilling experience. It was an absolute peach, the latter portion of 16 March, 2013. The morning had been uncharacteristically quiet. The parking lot still looked a little deserted by the set departure time-10:00am, save for a lone coaster omnibus at the extreme right end of the airtel house forecourt. On ground floor, Read More

03rd October, 2009. My face gradually turned sombre as I yearned for my first public holiday in a long time. Our brothers in Islam had been fasting and all signs seemed to point to Monday as a potential public holiday-in-waiting. It was a cold Saturday evening at the beach-side, and time check was 19:59 when my phone buzzed with an incoming message. "Idd is tomorrow", it read in part. Read More

My search for conducive neighbourhood eventually led me to Kiwatule, and made me think I had finally got a place to call home-at least for the following few years or so… The next-door residents-my new neighbours, were very amiable folks, and those that I can comfortably rely on to kill off a boring weekend, if they happen to stay around. Read More

Attending my first assembly at Ntare, I overheard a colleague mumble something -in a hushed tone- that went like: “Guys, Kamu is around”. For a moment, I did not understand what a certain Kamu had to do with a Monday morning school gathering.  I was not to wait for long. Read More

One of the first truisms I learned in high school hinted at change being a fact of life. I guess everyone would really wish a change for the better. It’s a fact that I came to appreciate when my change of profile from student dictated that I had to start living in the environs of working class mortals. The kind of environment that makes you forget that words like coursework and others of the ilk were once part of your regular vocabulary. Read More

I was once made to dump the first lump of earth into an open grave at a function that all had gathered at, seeing off my grandfather. The old man had been suffering from a combination of old-age related illnesses and a bout of malaria, and had breathed his last a couple of days before. It was a cultural obligation for me, being his eldest grandson… I was meant to "bury him". Read More

Every once in a while, people around us will behave, or do certain acts that may rub us the wrong way. While some are inadvertent, others are premeditated. While we tend to ignore some, others are simply too irritating to let pass. Some of these are people often ingratiate with. Some are our bosom buddies. Others are celebs.  Read More

Boredom can breed lots of ideas. Sometimes I want to grab a shot of nearby ale, but then I remember I am now a teetotaler. Often times, I just decide to laze around. Once in a while, idle thoughts fly by. This, here, was one of them: Monikers we would wish to give the public figures we love to hate. Read More