Perspective | "I Wanted to Commit Suicide" – Ben Mwine

Our media has so mastered the art of crafting screaming headlines that sometimes one will see one and choose to ignore it because some of those headlines eventually turn out to be mere bombast.

Such a headline gets you thinking twice until you dig up the celebrated MC’s fortnight-old vlog chat with retired radio veteran, Crystal Newman, posted on her Youtube channel at the tail-end of last month.

The immediate thoughts that spring to mind are the five Ws and the accompanying solitary H that the world considers basic steps in information gathering – Who/What/When/ Where/Why/How.

Your mind gets piqued. You want to know what could have come over your favorite celebrity at the time when he wanted the world to see the last of him.

Somebody who’s always seemed to closer to God than your wretched self has no business toying with suicidal thoughts, you imagine.

A guy who’s held a title considered by many as the pinnacle of corporate employment for the last decade or so that you’ve known him. Manager something-something, now Corporate “General” at Kwese TV.

He, surely, must be having everything under control.

How wrong! In that hour+ long interview, Ben almost bares it all. He reveals things not many men will have the courage to publicly reveal because the world will either call them selfish or brand them cowards (or something worse).

From threats to publish his photo in a newspaper because one bank loan went bad (he still asked them to let him choose which photo they could use) to that much publicised church apology among others, he says it all.

His is a story you want to read and pore more into his journey. You suddenly realize how human we all are, at the end of the day. The epiphany probably reminds you of the time when your own thoughts almost pondered a similar trajectory.

That’s the life we live. Sometimes society sees a different picture from what we really are. Sometimes happiness is not all about our lofty ambitions. “It’s all about finding happiness at your level”, he coos, towards the end of the interview.

And that’s how a man whose dream car is a Bentley Bentayga chooses to profess puppy love to a 20-year old Toyota Ipsum. Like it’s the only car he’s ever known.