Perspective | Of Witchcraft, Religion & Regulation

"UCC switches off 23 radio stations for promoting witchcraft", screamed a headline on the front page of The Observer edition of March 27, 2018.

There was mild – if not muted – response from the public, perhaps because the purported witches did not have an official spokesperson in their ideological dispensation, .

But having no public voice did not mean they were going to sit back and let regulatory laws make non-consensual love to their hustle.

If UCC had started firing without missing, the witch doctors were going to fly without perching. They chose to evolve.

We soon woke up to a new form of them, having "ditched" their traditional ways and gone religious. They were now Muslims. Respected Muslims. Guys who went to Mecca and became Hajjis and Hajjatis.

Today, we have each of them still gracing their old FM radio shows in a seemingly more dignified way, more than three hours earlier.

The drift? Catch them on their show and get their telephone contacts. Reach out to them during daytime and they’ll say a dua to cast out all your troubles.

Any evil spirits malingering around your life will be sent packing faster than the imps that Jesus hounded in Mark 5:11.

I had no clue of their reinvention until I tuned into one of my local sport trivia sources, expecting to hear the voices of the good folks I’ll only call “Tata Bad Man” and "Mama Sky".

Instead, I chanced onto one those schemers, a certain Hajjati Mayanja, promising unsuspecting listeners financial Jannah.

It would be a one-off, and my favorite presenters were going to be on time the following day, I hoped.

I was wrong.

The next day, it was a Hajji Bashiiri of Nansana, a Sheikh Ayubu of Kawanda and many others for each weekday. Each of them sounded like the guys who recycle Mobile Money messages and forward them to unsuspecting victims.

Alas, my show had had its schedule effectively shifted by at least an hour!

Will UCC now pounce on this, or they’ll now turn to the same "invisible force" behind the proposed regulation of Pentecostal pastors' wealth?

On the face of it, the sorcerers' newfound identity looks innocuous until one scratches beyond the surface. They did not stop at becoming Muslim.

They now hire sales agents disguised as witnesses whose fortunes have experienced a fundamental change after fruitful sessions with them.

The other day, someone was advertising Hajji Bashiiri’s services on radio. "He is bad news," she says. "When he says a dua for you, you instantly experience magic. I was broke, widowed and depressed. I now have my kids strewn across the world. UK, Norway, Australia and Sweden".

Every night, an unsuspecting Ugandan is going to save these witch doctors’ contacts. They’ll proceed to contact them the following day, hoping to instantly be catapulted into middle-income status.

By the time they eventually realize they’ve been conned, they will have parted with the last of their savings. The witch-doctor will now demand a pair of python eggs and a three-week old crocodile before their problems can be attended to.