Feature | Nyege Nyege

“The name itself means: Sex!! Sex!!”, roared Father Simon Lokodo, the Honorable Minister of Ethics and Integrity as he finally emerged from a five-month public coma.

The most pious of Jjajja’s ministers, if his title is anything to go by, was referring to the implied Swahili translation of Nyege Nyege, the MTN-sponsored four-day Music festival that has just about every owner of a decent accommodation facility in Jinja town smiling to the bank.

He wants the event cancelled because whereas majority of its revelers are predominantly heterosexual, minority groups will conspire to turn it into a successful curtain raiser for an impending Armageddon. To this effect, he has alerted every organ he deems important to be on standby. IGP, IGG, UPF, Ministry of Internal Affairs, JATT, ISO, Counter-terrorism Unit.

Going by his logic, I guess he may have to embark on a countrywide cleansing tour. He’ll go to Western Uganda and learn new words that include ripe bananas being called Eminekye. Then he will proceed to Budadiri with Nkore lenses and arrest every muzukkulu who addresses him as Owelugosi Simon Lokodo because God might revoke his heaven visa.

But he’ll have no idea that he risks his Gishu hosts fleeing his company while screaming “Rapist!!” when he eventually tells them he wants “Eminekye”.